No awkward lesbian experiences without me
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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