Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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