Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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