kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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