Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
