Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
even my farts smell like vagina
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
