I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
