i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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