i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
