On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
