Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
