david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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