Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
