u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
