No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
