Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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