3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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