I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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