Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
