Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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