I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
