did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
