I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
