It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
