Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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