you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
