Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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