but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Well I just put wine in my tea
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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