My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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