mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
