Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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