i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Your penis caused this!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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