I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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