Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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