I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
