Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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