I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I wish I only lived at night.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
