I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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