a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Your dad touched me again.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Randomize
