Fine. I'll sleep in my office
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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