I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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