I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
