Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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