I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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