Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize