I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
