Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
