I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
