i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
