I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize