you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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