ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He better not be in your backpack
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
