I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
