I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
