I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
