took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
