My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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