tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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