I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Why is there bacon in the couch?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
