Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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