Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
