my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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