Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
