Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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