im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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